


Thief in the Kingdom.

by TherajtheTrollKing



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-27
Updated: 2019-11-27
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:08:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21578098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TherajtheTrollKing/pseuds/TherajtheTrollKing
Summary: "I'm Tsubzara, and for the Heart seeking freedom, this world is paradise! I just wish those morons could see me now! Hahaha!"





	Thief in the Kingdom.

**Chapter One: Noah Antwiler is a douche bag.**

* * *

_I've been having some scary thoughts lately. I've found myself wishing everyone else would just disappear..._

* * *

_Where... where am I? How did I get here?_

**A man found himself in a hotel room.**

**Looking to his left, an attractive young asian woman in a tube top caught his eye. She was sitting on the nearby bed.**

_Damn..._

**Their eyes met and she smiled.**

_Wait... is that, is that Yuffie!? I must be dreaming. No it's way too real. Is this some kind of hallucination? Maybe I died and went to Heaven. Well, either way..._

**The man sauntered over to her and sat on the bed next to her.**

"Hey there. I'm Bart. I know we've never met, but I believe in love in first sight." **He put his hand on her bare thigh** **and leaned in close. Blushing slightly, she closed her eyes and moved in for the kiss.**

_She feels so real... I wonder how she tastes?_

"Hey." **A familiar voice called out to him. He looked over to find Leon standing in the room.**

"Hey yourself, cowboy."

"What do you fear most?"

"Waking up before I can have some fun here. Speaking of, care to join us?"

"I need a serious answer."

 **Bart sighed.** The _sooner I answer him, the sooner I can get laid._

"Uh, well... the idea that this life is all you get. Because, frankly, I feel I deserve better."

"I see."

**Bart turned back to Yuffie, and moved to claim his prize.**

"Hello." **He was interrupted by another familiar voice.**

_Mara, give me strength..._

**He turned his head in mild annoyance and saw Aerith standing by the table.**

_Whoa..._

"Well, hello, beautiful! Would _you_ care to join us?"

"What do you want from life?"

"A better one."

"How so?"

_For fuck's sake..._

"Well, uh... good food, unlimited entertainment, and all the pussy and boypussy I can handle. Somethin' like that?"

"Is that right?"

"Yeah, now if you don't mind, me and the lady have some business to take care of so unless you two are game, _us_ two are going to have some fun now."

**Not wasting any time, he turned back to his companion and planted one right on her lips before pushing her onto the bed. He pushed his tongue against her lips, and she relented, parting them and letting him explore.**

_Didn't expect her to be the submissive type... I like it._

**Bart broke off the kiss and put his hands on her chest, giving her breast a good feel through her top. Next, he lowered his gaze to her exposed belly, and ran his hands down the supple skin before resting them on her hips.**

_I've wanted to do this since Kingdom Hearts I..._

**Bart leaned in close and began to lick her belly button as he caressed her hips.**

**He continued to lick her navel for a short while before deciding to move on to the main course.**

**Bart took hold of her shorts and roughly yanked them down, finding to his delight that she went commando. -and shaved.**

_The holy grail..._

**Before he could dive in, Yuffie wrapped her thighs around his neck, and pulled his head back by the hair so he met her eye.**

"Ow!"

_Not so submissive, after all... I like it._

"What's more important to you than anything else?"

"Power. Because with enough power, you can pretty much do anything you want."

"Interesting."

"So... now that question time's over, you want to pick up where we-

"Shut up." **She pushed him backwards onto the bed and planted her bare, shapely 16-year old ass on his face.**

_Fuck, yeah..._

**He then felt someone undoing his belt buckle and pulling down his pants, exposing his rock-hard manhood in all it's glory.**

"Whoa! That's a big one." **'Yuffie' exclaimed.**

_I like where this is going..._

"I decided to join in after all. This poor starving thing clearly needs attention." ' **Aerith' stroked his penis and breathed on it seductively.**

"Nnnggh..."

"Hey, 'Leon'. Wanna fuck his ass?"

"Sure, why not?"

_If this is a dream, then... Don't wake up, don't wake up, don't wake-_

**12:22 PM.**

**He awoke in darkness, to a beautiful melody.**

_Fuck._

**Waking up to Ariel's goddess-tier voice was normally a welcome occasion, but not this time.**

**He grabbed his breakfast, some leftover pizza and a can of Coke from the fridge and went out to the car. His first and only stop: Gamezone.**

_My Name's Bart. Bart Zusa. Today's a special day. Kingdom Hearts IV is finally out. Word on the web is, Nomura heard the complaints about the last game loud and clear._

_I sure hope so._ _Turning Kairi into a pussy, the anticlimactic climax, and taking the Final Fantasy characters out of III were some of the biggest video game missteps since the last two Paper Mario games._

_If IV isn't better I'm going to be pissed. I took a week off work just to play it._

**Bart ate his breakfast hastily and pulled into the lot.**

_That's weird. This place should be packed..._

**He looked around, but there was no one in sight.**

_Come to think of it, I didn't see anyone on the way here, either. I mean, it was a short drive, but still..._

**Bart entered the store only to find it as empty as the lot.**

"Uh, h-hello? Is anyone here? I'm here to pick up a game I reser-

***bzzzzzt* The lights flickered and a Soldier appeared from a cloud of Darkness.**

"...huh."

**It lunged at him, but Bart knocked over a shelf in the nick of time, impeding it's attack.**

_Time for me to get the fuck outta here. Thank Mara I left the car un-_

"HEEEEELP!"

"Fuck."

**Bart let out a weary sigh and ran in the direction of the scream.**

"I'M COMING! JUST HANG ON!"

**A young girl appeared to be trapped under some rubble. Behind her was...**

_"Darkside..."_

_He's a lot scarier in person. I'm probably gonna die. That sucks. I wasn't planning on dying today._

**Bart Zusa was at a loss. He wasn't about to abandon the poor girl, but he didn't know how to save her. He wasn't a hero. He didn't have magic powers or a Keyblade. However...**

_Wait... if Heartless are real, Darkness must be, too. I've got to channel the Darkness. I need anger... and hatred. Think of someone who brings those emotions out in me. Them. Those fuckers from Twitter._

**He thought of all of them, but gave particular focus on the one he hated the most.**

_Peardumpling. One of the world's dumbass smartasses. Thinks she's so clever. What I'd give for two minutes in a windowless room with her. A firm backhand across her stupid face would have that little cunt whistling a different tune... I'd bitch-slap her so hard her idiot girlfriend could look her in the eye and peg her in the ass at the same time. How romantic._

_..._ _!?_

_Ooh. Oh. There we go._

**Bart felt a wave of heat wash over him as he was enveloped in Dark fire.**

"Oh, yeah! That feels GOOD!"

**Focusing all his strength in his legs, He leaped at Darkside with all his strength.**

_Time to go Izuku Midoriya on this fucker!_

***POW* A mighty punch turned the beast's head into dust and the rest of his body followed suit.**

_I kick ass!_ **Bart landed gracefully on his feet and chuckled.**

"Is- is it gone?"

_Oh, right. The girl. I'd better get her to safety before more Heartless show up._

"Uh, yeah. It's gone. Just a minute. I'll get you out of there."

**With his newfound strength, he lifted the debris off the girl.**

_Is that... Kairi!?_

**It did indeed appear to be Kairi. The younger, short-haired Kairi from Kingdom Hearts I. Just the way he liked her.**

_I hope... whatever this is doesn't end too early. Two cases of blue balls puts Bart in a bad mood._

"Hey, there cutie. Can you stand?"

**He knelt down and offered her his hand.**

"Um, I think so..."

**She took it and he helped her to her feet.**

"Th-thank yo-oh!"

**Bart pulled the young redhead against him.**

_I've wanted to this since Kingdom Hearts I..._

**He reached around and grabbed a handful of her butt.**

_She's got quite a juicy ass for a fourteen-year old. Credit where credit's due, Nomura._

**Kairi giggled.** "Ever the pervert, Bartholomew."

"Please, call me Tsubzara."

"Very well, Tsubzara. I'm here to tell you that you passed the test, and to ask you a single question, if I may."

"Ask away."

"What is your Heart's desire?"

"To live in a world where I'm free to do whatever the hell I want."

 **She smiled.** "Yes, that sounds like you.

**Without warning, the redhead stood on his shoes and pulled him into a deep, wet kiss.**

_Please don't wake up this time, please don't wake up this time, please don't-_

**Sharp, black fingers attacked from behind, piercing the man's heart.**

"Guk!"

_Darkside...?_

**'Kairi' broke off the kiss and caressed his face.**

"I'm sorry. The pain will soon end, I promise."

_But- but I killed him. That's... cheating._

**She held him close and whispered in his ear.**

"Fear not, my love, for I've blessed you with the greatest power of all."

**The pain soon dissipated, and Bart Zusa's world went black.**

**Little did Bart Zusa, or, rather, Tsubzara know, the false Kairi told no lie. A world of adventure and excitement awaited him and with the power she gave him, he could one day make it his.**

* * *

**Bart Zusa awoke in a daze. His eyes slowly opened.**

"Hey there! You okay?"

"I think... so..."

_!?_

"Yuffie!?"

 _I don't get it... How...? Wait... The test! Not-Kairi said I passed the test. My wish... my wish... I'm in fucking Kingdom Hearts! This is real! Well, it_ feels _real. It's kind of like that Isekai where the guy becomes a skeleton monster, except it doesn't suck. ...yet._

"That's my name! So what's yours?"

_Yuffie circa KHI. Just like I like her. That outfit is so hot..._

**His eyes lowered to her bare midriff. He loved that look on a woman.**

**A lot of other guys were more into tits, legs and ass, and he was, too, especially when it came to asses, but there was something about a girl's belly that drove him wild. That, to him, was true feminine beauty.**

_Cute belly button. I wonder what she'd do if I poked it? Probably break my finger. Well... no, probably wouldn't go that far. She might smack me though. I don't like pain. So torn..._

"Uh, hello?"

"Uh, huh?" **Bart blinked and looked back up.**

"Were you leerin' at me?"

"Y-yeah. S-sorry." **he stammered.**

"Hehe. It's cool. I'm hot, I know."

"You're..." **he cleared his throat.** "You are."

**Yuffie giggled. Partly because she was flattered, partly because he was nervous.**

"You're pretty hot yourself, um..."

_I'm... hot? Really?_ **If Bart would've described himself, he'd say he was plain and a little geeky-looking. Not ugly, but never 'hot'.**

**Then again, she obviously wasn't lying.**

_To think that I'm so hot that this little hottie calls me hot... ah, I see. Must be part of my wish. I always wanted to be beautiful. Thank you, Not-Kairi._

**Bart was indeed grateful, though still a little raw about being stabbed to death.**

_Wait, Yuffie-chan just asked my name, didn't she?_

"I'm Bart. Bart Zusa."

"That's a pretty cool name. A little weird, but cool."

"Thanks."

"So, Bart Zusa... wanna grab a bite? I'm starving."

"I, uh... I don't have any munny."

"Don't sweat it, hot stuff. I'll buy."

**A short while later... Bart Zusa was at the local Chocoburger with Yuffie, pondering recent events over a bacon cheeseburger.**

* * *

_So I died, and Kairi, no, the angel, no, the goddess sent me here. Meaning this is either the afterlife, or a reality she made just for me._

_Either way, it's Kingdom Hearts, so I'm happy. It would really suck if this were the GTA universe. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love the game, but I'd hate to be in it. It's so much like the real world it'd depress me. No magic, no spaceships, no Keyblades... plus, if the cops there caught me on a date with a 16 year old girl they'd be on my ass like I want to be on_ her _ass. She has a cute ass._

"So... what was your world like?" **Yuffie asked, taking a sip of her soda.**

"It was beautiful. The people in it, not so much. Heh. No big loss." **The words were out of his mouth before he knew it.**

"..." **Yuffie just stared at him in shock.**

_Fuck. She must think I'm the biggest piece of shit._ **A lot of people she loved were dead, after all. Fictional character or not, she'd been nice to him. She didn't deserve to hear that.**

"I'm sorry. That was a horrible thing to say."

"It's... it's okay. But... isn't there anyone you miss? Friends? Or family?"

 **Bart shook his head.** "I've never had a real friend, and my family... well, I wouldn't call them family. All the people I ever knew were... ignorant, cruel, and... selfish."

"Oh."

 **He smiled sadly.** "Not everyone has people like Leon and Aerith in their lives. You're lucky, Yuffie."

"Yeah, they're pretty lucky to have me, too." **Yuffie grinned.**

**Bart took a big gulp of his Choca-cola. The food and drink from this world was a far cry from the kind back home.**

_Damn, that's good. Wish it had some rum in it, though..._

"By the way, don't you think your boyfriend will be a little ornery if he sees you on a date with another guy?" **Bart teased.**

"Oh, ha- _ha_." **She muttered.**

"I'm just sayin', I've heard some rumors about you two..."

"Yeah, yeah..."

"But, seriously, Yuffie... there was something I wanted to ask you."

"Shoot."

"Let's say you... died. But came back."

"Like, as a ghost or something?"

"No more like... like you were reborn, well, kind of, but... you had a chance to really... live the life you wanted. I think I was given that chance, Yuffie, and I want to make the most of it. I mean... what would you do if you were me?"

 **Yuffie thought for a moment.** "I'd probably do... Whatever I wanted. So, whatever you want to do, just do it."

"That's the thing, I'm not quite sure what I want to do. There's so many... possibilities. I mean, this world is so... big. Right?"

 **The ninja giggled.** "I think maybe you're thinkin' too big. Start small. Try... doing something you've always wanted to do. Like me, I bought a ten-pound bag of candy yesterday. Just 'cause I felt like it."

_Of course..._

**After taking a large gulp of liquid courage, Bart got up from his seat and took her by the hand.**

"Bart..."

"Yuffie." **With a single, effortless tug, he pulled her to her feet.**

"Whoa! You're stronger than you-mmph!?"

**A passionate kiss cut the kunoichi's sentence short. Her eyes widened in surprise, but eventually fluttered shut. She pulled him even closer and ran her fingers through his hair.**

**They continued to make out until Bart broke off the kiss.**

_Well, that's more like it._ **Yuffie thought** _._

"I had a dream last night. You were in it." **He whispered in her ear.**

"Oh, yeah? What were we doin'?" **Yuffie whispered back.**

"Something like this."

**Bart picked her up, and gave her belly button a long, lecherous lick.**

**Yuffie gasped in surprise and blushed profusely.**

"B-bart... people are watching!" **she stammered.**

"What, the twins? They don't care. See?"

**Bart waved to the Chocobo girls at the counter. They giggled and waved back.**

"Evening, ladies."

"Evening, handsome!" **Cooed the girl in red.**

"Don't mind us, lovebirds!" **Chirped the girl in blue.**

"W-well, still... can we, um... go outside?" **Yuffie stammered.**

"Sure." **Bart put her back down and grabbed his burger for the road. Yuffie grabbed her soda and together they left the restaurant.**

* * *

**Yuffie was nervous. The way he kissed her, the way he touched her, it was clear what he wanted.**

_Do I want that, too?_

"Yuffie." **Bart spoke up.**

**He was attractive, no doubt about it, and one of the few men she'd met who was into her.** **Well, technically, Yuffie had quite a few admirers, but they were the type to admire from afar.**

_Buncha pussies..._ **The ninja thought angrily.**

**On one hand, sex was a big step, on the other...**

_I could be dead tomorrow._

" _Yuffie._ " **He repeated.**

"Oh! Sorry. What's up, Bartholomew?"

"I had a lot of fun, tonight. Thanks for everything."

"Bart..." **Yuffie knew what was coming next. It was obvious.**

"I gotta go."

"'Love 'em and leave 'em', huh?"

"I'm sorry, I just-"

"Shh." **Yuffie put a finger to his lips.** "Go on. Live your life."

"Still, about earlier, I didn't mean to-

"Yes, you did." **She cut him off.** "But it's okay. I was kinda hopin' you'd do somethin' like that. Didn't think you had it in ya, to be honest."

"Guess I'm full of surprises."

"I'll say. That lick sure caught me by surprise."

"I couldn't resist. Sorry."

"Don't be. That was... um, kinda hot, actually." **she blushed.**

**They stood in an awkward silence for a moment that seemed to last forever.**

"Will I see you again?" **she asked.**

"Count on it, cutie." **He flashed her a dazzling smile of pearly-white teeth and ran off into the night.**

 **Yuffie sighed as she watched him leave.** I'm _never gonna find a boyfriend..._ **.**

* * *

_"Teenage baby, you're a sweet young thing, still tied to mama's apron strings._ _I don't even dare to ask your age..._ _Just enough to know you're here backstage..._ _You're jailbait and I just can't wait... Jailbait, baby come on..."_

**The risen devil sang to himself as he made his way to the 1st district.**

_Bart Zusa is dead. I'm Tsubzara the Dark, and freedom is what I live for. First things first. I want some new clothes, and what I want, I take._

"Hm? Whoa..."

**Tsubzara caught his reflection in a store window.**

_I really_ am _hot! Thank you, Goddess..._

**The plain-faced, unmentionable form of Bart Zusa was no more. His new visage was a work of art.**

**Long, blonde hair. Fair skin. A pretty face with full lips. A lithe figure with defined muscles. Elven ears and bright red eyes added an exotic touch.**

"Hahahahaha! I am indeed gorgeous, and a gorgeous man deserves gorgeous attire! Darkness, give me strength!"

**Dark fire enveloped his fist, and with one swift punch, he smashed it through the window.**

***CRASH***

* * *

**Not much later, Tsubzara was in one of the dressing rooms, admiring himself in his brand-new outfit: An armless Organization XIII-style coat, which was unzipped, exposing his abs, and matching leather pants worn low enough to show off his v-line. Fingerless gloves, a spiked belt and Midgardsormr-skin boots completed the ensemble.**

"Damn, I look hot in black. Hm? That's new..." **Around his navel was a tattoo in the shape of an inverted Kingdom Hearts' logo.**

"Interesting... the Goddess' signature, maybe?

* * *

**Back at Chocoburger...**

"Good evening, welcome to Choc-oh! You're back. Hi! Bart, was it?" **The blue Chocoburger girl waved to him.**

"It's Tsubzara now. I decided on a new name."

"-and a new look, we see." **The red one admired his impressive physique.**

**Now that Tsubzara had a good look at the twins, they looked virtually identical to Rikku, specifically, the version of her that was going to be in the first Kingdom Hearts game, except with highlights that matched the color of their outfits.**

"You like?"

"Oh, yeah..." **The girl in red was eating the eye candy for all it was worth.**

"So... how may we serve you, Tsubzara?" **The girl in blue batted her eyelashes at him.**

"Well, actually, I was in the mood for some dessert."

"What can we getcha?" **Red asked.**

"Two warm, sweet slices of pie. One cherry, one blueberry."

**The twins looked at eachother and giggled, which soon escalated into laughter.**

"He's so bold, Red. What should we do?"

"Close up early, of course! Yellow! Can you get the door?"

"Got it!" **A third girl in a yellow version of their outfit suddenly appeared at the door and locked it. Then she appeared in front of Tsubzara and took his hand.**

"Come on back, Tsubby!" **Yellow chirped as she guided him into the back room where a large sofa sat.**

"We'll take real good care of you." **Blue cooed.**

"Hope you're ready for the lay of your life..." **Red breathed huskily into his ear** **as three more identical girls in sexy Chocobo-themed outfits appeared on the sofa. One in orange, one in green, and one in purple with highlights to match.**

"I just have one question for you ladies: How old are you?"

"Fifteen." **They answered in unison.**

_Fuck, yeah..._

"How 'bout you, mister?" **Orange asked.**

"Just turned thirty-one today."

"Happy Birthday!" **They said together.**

"I suppose we should make you a cake afterwards." **Purple mused.**

"Aw, that's sweet, but you babes don't gotta trouble yourselves."

"It's no trouble. Besides you'll need to regain your strength when we're done with you." **Green informed him.**

 **This had Tsubzara grinning from ear to ear.** I _LOVE this fuckin' world!_

* * *

**In this world of fiction... This world of magic, power, adventure and** **beauty, the man known as Tsubzara could truly be free to live the life he wanted. The life he deserved. The life of ultimate freedom.**


End file.
